Sunday 13 January 2019

My Shining Star

I have owned Star for over ten years now and there hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't felt incredibly lucky to have her. A lot has happened in my life over those ten years including losing several of my family members and going through a really difficult breakup, but Star has been by my side every step of the way getting me through. It's ten years this year since I lost my big brother Hugh, pictured below:
                                     
I was absolutely devastated when Hugh died as it came as a complete shock. I can still remember getting the phone call from my older sister Kathy to tell me he had died. I slid down the wall into a heap on the floor, dropped the phone and stayed there crying for what felt like hours. Hugh was a soldier in the British Army. He served in Kosovo, Bosnia and Iraq, but he suffered terribly from PTSD that was never treated. From the outside you would never know he was struggling as he was always the life and soul of the party. Sadly Hugh felt he could no longer live in this world and on the 19th August 2009 he took his own life. I think a piece of me died the day he did as I honestly have never gotten over it and I never will. The days, weeks and months that followed his death are a bit of blur to be honest, but what I do remember is the one thing that would get me out of bed was Star. Helen and I were on a livery yard at the time with our other friend Kate on part livery-this meant full livery Monday-Friday then DIY Saturday and Sunday. It was a brilliant yard to be on at the time, it was run by a lovely family, had a great bunch of liveries and the facilities were excellent-it even had an arena with a full set of show jumps. It was a really good thing at that time that Star was on part livery as even if I wanted to hide under the duvet on a Saturday and Sunday I couldn't as Star needed to be looked after. Seeing to Star gave me a reason to get up and a purpose. It kept my mind occupied, gave me time with my friends who were up at the yard seeing to their horses, it was fresh air and it was great exercise. I genuinely believe having Star at that time was a real blessing as she really did help me work through my grief, and she has done in times since. There is a lot of research to suggest that contact with an animal is therapeutic. Plus the good thing about Star is I can talk to her and she doesn't answer back!
The last twelve months have been pretty hard as my Dad's battle with dementia came to an end in July 2018. Below is a picture of Dad in happier times on his birthday.
Yet again Star is one of the main things that has kept me going through the grief. Watching Dad battle such an awful disease over a number of years has been absolutely heartbreaking. There have been times when I have just gone to the field hugged Star and cried into her neck and she has just stood there and let me. Sometimes the back of my jumper or my pony tail would even get a little groom off her! The bond I have with Star is unbreakable. I would go as far to say I would take a bullet for that pony. There have been so many times when I have been worried or upset about something and she has helped me through. She is always there to cheer me up with that cheeky face, that sassy attitude and those ears pricked forward. She's my baby girl and I couldn't imagine life without her. In those times when life is dark with grief she has always been my 'Shining Star'.

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